So, what does one do to get past writers block? Is there really such a thing? Have Evelyn and Percy come to an untimely end, or can I continue their story? I have no idea where to take this story but would like an epiphany....I want to know how to continue. Yet...I have no clue.
Should I meditate? Take a walk? A long bath, perhaps? I just want to know where it goes from here and I want to write some more....but I'm not sure it's there, inside me. If not, where the hell is it? Is there a wall I need to climb over, an obstacle I need to get past? Is the block only in my own imagination. Is it fear?
I don't want Evelyn to die before her time! What do I do??
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
What can I do?
What can I do? I am trying so hard to feel positive, to look at the bright side, to do all the things we've done together...to keep trying, to reach deep within myself for strength...but I find I'm not successful at it this week. This week is the week we always talked about...in our room...our office...just you and me. We wondered what we would do when retirement came...and you always said it would come for you first and I dismissed you, even though I knew you were telling the obvious truth. We weren't born in the same decade...so it was inevitable that for you, the elder of us, retirement would come first.
I know I've said I don't mind that we weren't born in the same time period...that there were some years between us always seemed ok to me...and I think it was meant to be that way, no matter what our preference...but for the record....I wish it too. I wish we could have gone to high school together....talked about things that young girls talk about....had each other to support and laugh and cry with. It would have been fun....but all in all, I can't say that we don't have something special nonetheless....because you know we do.
Let's set the record straight. These are the things you taught me:
1. To look on the bright side.
2. That friends...true friends...mean what they say and stand by you even when you act like a ninny.
3. That no matter how old you are, you can learn something new everyday.
4. That a mother can be your best friend.
5. That I am an artist.
6. That I am a writer.
7. That I have gifts that can enrich the world.
8. It's all in the details!
9. That smiling even when you don't feel like it is important.
10. That everyday is a gift.
I said it before, and I'll say it again, I did lots of growing up at this job....27 years of it...and 17 of it spent in your company. Your heart is true and genuine and I have been blessed to have worked with you. The job is important, no doubt, but what really matters are the bonds we forge here...the people who's lives we touch in positive ways. That's why we are here, and your friendship has taught me that.
I've had a hard time with this, and I've tried not to grieve in your company! This is a wonderful thing for you....retirement is a positive thing, and our friendship won't end because of it. I will just miss your calming presence....and your smile. Forgive me if I seem out of sorts lately. I'm trying to get my bearings.
I shall never say goodbye to you, my dear friend....I will, however, say what I have said for many years, every weekday at 4:15....Aurevoir, ma Sherry.....
I love you.
I know I've said I don't mind that we weren't born in the same time period...that there were some years between us always seemed ok to me...and I think it was meant to be that way, no matter what our preference...but for the record....I wish it too. I wish we could have gone to high school together....talked about things that young girls talk about....had each other to support and laugh and cry with. It would have been fun....but all in all, I can't say that we don't have something special nonetheless....because you know we do.
Let's set the record straight. These are the things you taught me:
1. To look on the bright side.
2. That friends...true friends...mean what they say and stand by you even when you act like a ninny.
3. That no matter how old you are, you can learn something new everyday.
4. That a mother can be your best friend.
5. That I am an artist.
6. That I am a writer.
7. That I have gifts that can enrich the world.
8. It's all in the details!
9. That smiling even when you don't feel like it is important.
10. That everyday is a gift.
I said it before, and I'll say it again, I did lots of growing up at this job....27 years of it...and 17 of it spent in your company. Your heart is true and genuine and I have been blessed to have worked with you. The job is important, no doubt, but what really matters are the bonds we forge here...the people who's lives we touch in positive ways. That's why we are here, and your friendship has taught me that.
I've had a hard time with this, and I've tried not to grieve in your company! This is a wonderful thing for you....retirement is a positive thing, and our friendship won't end because of it. I will just miss your calming presence....and your smile. Forgive me if I seem out of sorts lately. I'm trying to get my bearings.
I shall never say goodbye to you, my dear friend....I will, however, say what I have said for many years, every weekday at 4:15....Aurevoir, ma Sherry.....
I love you.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Never Hide Your Light
I just posted on Facebook tonight......Never hide your light. I suppose I was speaking in general, as it applies to us all. Never hide your light. Never hide your gifts. Be appreciative of your gifts. We all have so much to offer the world....and on a smaller scale...each other...yet we miss so many opportunities to do just that, out of fear or doubt, or even out of the simple act of letting your disappointing day get to you, and your eyes are full of your own issues, and you might fail to see a perfect change for reaching out to someone else with your gifts.
You are armed with them....these gifts you were bestowed at birth. We all have different gifts, yet for various reasons we may choose not to use them....in others words...to hide our light. In my opinion, because I was so unaware of my own light for so long...I think it's the greatest crime you can commit! I say I was unaware, and not hiding my gifts because that was the way of it for many years. I was told I had none, and sadly, I believed it for a very long time. I listened to one negative voice and let it dictate my own feelings on my own gifts. I let that voice become my God...allowing it more power over me than anyone elses. Yet, that voice was wrong. My resonsibility in all that was that I let that voice live longer than it should have. I will NEVER do that again, and I won't allow my friends do that to themselves, not if I can help it. It is a great injustice....and deprives the world of beauty and a chance at becoming a better place. We each play a crucial role in the development of the future world that our children and grandchildren will inhabit. The web is intricate, and we have a very precise place in that....we may not see the whole picture, yet we are a huge part of that plan. Therefore, to do any less than let our light shine is an injustice, a crime against the future!
Leave your fears behind. Life is too short...time flies too quickly and we have no time for fear. Live. Live like there is no tomorrow.......shine like the brightest star and do your part. Show the world what you are made of. No one can DO YOU better than YOU. You were given the part of you in this great performance of life because it was decided that no one could do it better than you.
Don't hide your light and give a shabby performance. Do your best....break a leg!
You are armed with them....these gifts you were bestowed at birth. We all have different gifts, yet for various reasons we may choose not to use them....in others words...to hide our light. In my opinion, because I was so unaware of my own light for so long...I think it's the greatest crime you can commit! I say I was unaware, and not hiding my gifts because that was the way of it for many years. I was told I had none, and sadly, I believed it for a very long time. I listened to one negative voice and let it dictate my own feelings on my own gifts. I let that voice become my God...allowing it more power over me than anyone elses. Yet, that voice was wrong. My resonsibility in all that was that I let that voice live longer than it should have. I will NEVER do that again, and I won't allow my friends do that to themselves, not if I can help it. It is a great injustice....and deprives the world of beauty and a chance at becoming a better place. We each play a crucial role in the development of the future world that our children and grandchildren will inhabit. The web is intricate, and we have a very precise place in that....we may not see the whole picture, yet we are a huge part of that plan. Therefore, to do any less than let our light shine is an injustice, a crime against the future!
Leave your fears behind. Life is too short...time flies too quickly and we have no time for fear. Live. Live like there is no tomorrow.......shine like the brightest star and do your part. Show the world what you are made of. No one can DO YOU better than YOU. You were given the part of you in this great performance of life because it was decided that no one could do it better than you.
Don't hide your light and give a shabby performance. Do your best....break a leg!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Karma
It's called KARMA....and it can bite you in the ass.
Give the world a shit sandwich, and you'll be eating crap yourself soon enough. You reap what you sow. It's pretty simple. If you want a karmic slap in the head, then keep doing as you please, steam rolling over the world without a care. You'll pay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But....you'll pay.
Enjoy yourself for now. The view is always lovely from the top....but remember that what goes up, must come down. Strap yourself in. It should be interesting.
Give the world a shit sandwich, and you'll be eating crap yourself soon enough. You reap what you sow. It's pretty simple. If you want a karmic slap in the head, then keep doing as you please, steam rolling over the world without a care. You'll pay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But....you'll pay.
Enjoy yourself for now. The view is always lovely from the top....but remember that what goes up, must come down. Strap yourself in. It should be interesting.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Fear
Fear. Everyone experiences it. Everyone fears it. Yea, I fear fear. I don't have a problem with that. I fear being afraid. It makes my blood pound, my pulse slam in my head, my breathing alters. I hate being afraid. Who doesn't? Fear is one of the main reasons we fight, fear is one of the main reasons people need therapy! We're afraid of the past, afraid of the unknown, afraid of being alone, afraid of seeing ourselves for who we really are. Fear is a motivating factor in many decisions made in our lives. Fear is everywhere.
Next time you feel fear creeping up on you, turn around, look it right in the eye and shame it into submission. Fear should be ashamed of how it treats you! You have done nothing to deserve the panic and anxiety it produces. Send it on it's way! Let it know it has no power over you! You have survived great loss, change, advancing age...you are a force to be feared yourself! Look at you....you survived high school! You had a root canal! You have worked with the co-worker from hell for ump-teen years and you are still here, better than before! What have YOU to fear? I say...NOTHING.
Next time fear tries to make you piss your pants, give it a kick in the balls and come out swinging. You can do it. I know you can!
Next time you feel fear creeping up on you, turn around, look it right in the eye and shame it into submission. Fear should be ashamed of how it treats you! You have done nothing to deserve the panic and anxiety it produces. Send it on it's way! Let it know it has no power over you! You have survived great loss, change, advancing age...you are a force to be feared yourself! Look at you....you survived high school! You had a root canal! You have worked with the co-worker from hell for ump-teen years and you are still here, better than before! What have YOU to fear? I say...NOTHING.
Next time fear tries to make you piss your pants, give it a kick in the balls and come out swinging. You can do it. I know you can!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Worries
I'm worried about the price of gas. I'm worried about keeping my house clean. I'm worried about being able to afford Christmas presents for everyone on my list. I'm worried about my daughter and her apparent inability to learn to read....is she not trying? Is she really having trouble decoding or is she just not paying attention? A mother worries, as do most people, but having children magnifies that a hundredfold. You worry about your own ability to parent, your children's' health and their friends and their homework and their attitude and their sleep patterns....oh, the list goes on and on. It doesn't really even stop when they are older, nor should it, really. Of course they must grow up and go out on their own, but you never cease to be concerned for their well being. As a parent you should never emotionally detach yourself from your children, no matter how independent they may be. A child always needs to know that their parent is there for them, emotionally and otherwise, forever. Parenting isn't an 18 year assignment...it's a lifetime commitment, like any marriage or friendship would be. You don't get a reprieve for good behavior after your child graduates from high school. I wish more parents shared this philosophy. I know so many adults who have felt abandoned by their parents. They appreciate their parents need for their own life, yet feel as if they are no longer an important component in their parents' lives. How sad is that?
I know I will always worry about my kids, and I don't mind that. It is a price I am willing to pay to be their mother. I couldn't imagine a world without them in it. My life is better for having them in it, and I won't ever make them feel like I'm unavailable. I've seen what that sort of parenting does to a person. It demeans and lowers self esteem. It rips that child in you apart. That isn't the sort of trip I signed up for. I'm in it for the long haul, through Dr. Seuss, the teen years and beyond.
You're stuck with me kids! Get over it!
I know I will always worry about my kids, and I don't mind that. It is a price I am willing to pay to be their mother. I couldn't imagine a world without them in it. My life is better for having them in it, and I won't ever make them feel like I'm unavailable. I've seen what that sort of parenting does to a person. It demeans and lowers self esteem. It rips that child in you apart. That isn't the sort of trip I signed up for. I'm in it for the long haul, through Dr. Seuss, the teen years and beyond.
You're stuck with me kids! Get over it!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Changes...yet again
There are changes afoot, and as far as changes go, it's not earth shattering, yet I can't help but feel unsettled. New management leadership can lead to changes, and after 27 years I've certainly seen my share of reassignments and alterations. It's nothing new, yet it never ceases to distress us. This year I shall meet an even bigger challenge...the loss of a beloved co-worker. Sherry is leaving us, retiring, which is great for her and I'm honestly happy for her, yet I wonder how I will fill that hole she will leave behind. She is a unique friend, one who understands me, who speaks to my heart, one who knows me and likes me despite it all! I shall miss her, and have no idea how I will adjust to this major change in our work place dynamics.
I don't know what to think about rumors that are flying about. I hope I'm not being overly pessimistic. I can only hope for the best. Change has never been easy for me...and this time is really no different. After all this time, you would think I'd be better equipped to deal with it. I hope I am stronger. I hope that no matter what, the transition is a smooth one.
I can hope.
I don't know what to think about rumors that are flying about. I hope I'm not being overly pessimistic. I can only hope for the best. Change has never been easy for me...and this time is really no different. After all this time, you would think I'd be better equipped to deal with it. I hope I am stronger. I hope that no matter what, the transition is a smooth one.
I can hope.
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