Initiations

My daughter, who is brave and beautiful and precocious decided on Monday that she was ready to see her first corpse. We had to go to our friends wake, and were trying to find a babysitter for her and she said, "Why can't I come too?" Well, I gave it some thought and figured she might be a little young for it yet. Yes, my son had been to wakes from when he was very young, but at that time, I had no one to watch him for me. I have more readily available babysitters than I used to. With more options I thought that I'd leave her home to avoid her questions and fears, but she said she was ready and it's my experience, if a child thinks they are ready, maybe they are. So I told her she could go to the waiting room and we'd see how it went.

She waited in the waiting area with my husband while I went first. When I came back, she said, "When am I going to see?" I stuttered and stammered and sighed and decided to let her take a peek and see how she felt. We stood by the doorway together and she said she was ready to go in. The face she made was one of curiosity and slight distaste. She said, "Are you SURE that's Stanley?" I said, "Yes." She scrunched her brow and tilted her head and just wasn't sure about my answer. She said it didn't look like him. Well, it did and it didn't. I tried to explain that a body in death doesn't always look just like the person did when they were alive. She said, "So why do they do that? Why do we see the body at all?" Good question. I told her that sometimes we just need to say goodbye, and this is a way to do that. She came over to the family with me and as I talked and they tried to converse with her, she kept peeking around and looking at Stanley...still with the scrunched brow, I might add. I don't think she knew quite what to make of it. Hey, I'm 46 years old and still don't know quite what to make of it!

She never mentioned it again that whole night. I thought for sure she might wake up frightened or have bad dreams...but that never happened. Last night at bedtime she was laying there and she said, "You know that was so weird." I had no idea what she was talking about. She told me she was talking about the dead body. "It made me feel strange." Well, she's right on the money...wakes make me feel strange sometimes too. They aren't easy to attend, that's for sure, and this initiation into the world of life and death had to happen eventually for her. I was putting it off for some reason, even though I thought she would handle it just fine. Things just don't really gross her out, not like they do other kids.

She pondered this in a way I didn't think she was capable, the idea of life and death and what we are "made" of. She asked me how we are formed, and by what...like silly putty or clay or stone...what WE are made of. I told her we had best ask her doctor for more accurate answers because when I told her God made us, she rolled her eyes and said, "That's not what I meant Mommy!"

Maybe she will be a doctor someday...hmmm....these little initiations bring us just one step closer....