Snipet #17

Percy would remember that moment for many years to come. That moment defined his life, when he answered Evelyn's question without hesitation. As an elderly man, lying on his death bed with his children beside him, he would look at them, yet, past them, to that time in the cave, when he made a decision and it changed his life. He decided to embrace the wind, and his fears, and the hunger. He knew he couldn't live without any of it.

No, he said.

Evelyn looked up then, and smiled a deep smile that touched the very core of both of them.

From that moment on, Percy and Evelyn were inseparable. These two very different young people, were very much the same, and once they came to realize that, there was no separating them.

She told him her dreams.

He told her how his stomach ached when he looked at her.

She told him she loved the smell of lavender.

He told her when he was 6 years old he walked in on his parents making love and he thought his mother looked so sad.

She told him her mother made love to herself.

He told her that he didn't understand love at all.

She told him that love doesn't need to be understood. It just needs to be.

They told each other things they never even realized about themselves. Evelyn felt she had learned more about herself from talking to Percy than she had learned in all the time she spent thinking in her secret place. He was like a precious book to be absorbed, savoured, and devoured.

She found herself wanting to know more. He found himself wanting to be more.

They were on the verge of something beautiful, precious, moist and new. The wind had altered the course of things, as it always did when it came to town. It woke them both up and made them feel the growling hunger in their bellies. And they liked it.

Snipet #16

It took Percy a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the light in the cave. He could tell he was in a cave because of the way the wind sounded from where he stood, monstrous and moaning. He wasn't at all sure how they arrived at this place, it seemed only seconds ago when she told him to follow her and he just did. He knew that she was taking him somewhere safe so he didn't hesitate. He took her hand and followed. It made sense, yet it was madness all the same. It felt safe, yet the air smelled of sulfur and fury and he was more than a little frightened.

She had led him to an open space that had furs spread about the floor. At first he had jumped because he thought he was touching something living, but she gently shushed him and held a rabbit fur up to his face and rubbed it against his skin. She stared at him with those green eyes that seemed so luminous in this odd light. It was then he noticed that there was a pit in the center of the room and she had started a small fire using dried twigs and vines.

What is this place, he asked her. He knew that someone, if not Evelyn, lived in this cave.

My secret, she replied. You won't tell, will you, she asked.

She looked so beautiful, so glorious in that moment, he would have promised her anything. Her presence, the smell of her wet hair and that look in her eye all combined to intoxicate Percy and he would have died for her right then and there. There was no doubt in his mind that if Evelyn asked that of him, he would not deny her.

Why did you follow me, she asked.

Percy felt foolish and didn't know what to say. He stammered over the words.
Well, I really don't know. Are you mad, he asked.

She sat down next to the fire and rubbed her hands together briskly. It's cold in here. Come sit by the fire, she replied.

He sat down next to Evelyn and being so close to her seemed to warm him from the inside out.

You didn't answer my question. Are you mad, he asked.

Anger is a waste of time, Percy. I don't waste time, she said.

As they sat by the fire warming themselves, they said little for the first few minutes. It was as if being so close to her tied his tongue up in knots. He wasn't usually at a loss for words, but today, each sentence was a struggle. He weighed everything he said before he said it for fear it would come out wrong, so therefore, he didn't say much. It was Evelyn who broke the silence.

I come here sometimes, she said, so I can think. Sometimes my mother doesn't give me time to be with myself, alone. I don't know why, but I think she's afraid to be alone, she needs me around all the time. I love her, she said, and then she sighed, but I love this too.

Percy looked up at her. He had never heard her put more than 5 words together at any one time and had certainly never sat so close to her, or any girl for that matter, so he was a bit disconcerted at the moment.

He managed to say, People are scared of you, you know.

I know, she said, I know. She asked softly, as she put her head down and her hair obscured her face, are you?

I Danced With My Mother

I danced with my mother on Christmas Eve.

I danced with her because I thought I might never get another chance to dance with her on Christmas. I reached out when otherwise I would not...I held her in my arms as if I were the mother and she the child, and we danced.

I know that I will remember that moment always.

Things change, there is nothing that can be done about it. Photos and memories are all we have left of days past...even yesterday, the day before this one, is the past already. We must grab it while we can, those moments when we would rather be alone or would rather not reach out...and do just that.

Reach out. You might not get another chance.

Speeding things up

Laptops (especially NEW ones) really tend to speed things up a bit! I am finding my new computer to be very fast...efficient...and very pleasant to look at! I find that I may be blogging even more than ever, which may please my one or two fans out there...!

The old one had to go. Twenty minutes to turn on a computer...ten minutes to check out Facebook...well, it's just too much to ask. I am usually sentimental, but not about that old relic. Good riddance...see ya later...ta-ta for now!

It's Christmas morning, so I reallly should be getting back to the kiddies. Lots of wrapping paper lying about and coffee to be had and eggs to make.

Just checking in....happy and restful weekend to all!

Thanks

How do you thank someone for their constant, unwavering support? Well...I suppose you could just say thank you...but sometimes you know those two little words aren't enough. It has to be bigger than that...it has to be A BLOG!

I have a friend...I've known her for a long time...not sure how long...feels like she's always just been there. I remember when I first saw her at work. She was introduced to me as the new employee and truthfully, she was nice enough, but I never suspected that she would end up being such a great support for me, such a true friend.

We come from different backgrounds, even different generations, really, and at first glance, one may say that these two women couldn't possibly have anything in common. But beyond that first look, once would see parallels, common thoughts and values that would obviously be a great foundation for mutual respect, if not all out friendship. We come from different worlds, yet we are inherently the same. We are a part of a group of people here at work who struggle with similar issues day in and day out, and that in itself can be a binding material of sorts, but our friendship is based more on what we think about things that are beyond here...our philosophical discussions are among the best I've ever enjoyed! (How do I thank her for keeping my brain stimulated? I live in daily fear that my brain will turn to mush here...but she just won't have it!)

My friend Sherry is one of the few faithful readers of this blog, so I don't worry that she won't see this...I just hope she realizes when she sees this, the sincerity behind my words. She buoys me up when the world threatens to knock me down. She gives me encouragement, even when I'm grumpy and annoying! She has helped me to become the woman I am today.

In her gentleness, she has taught me patience, and shown me that the first voice I should trust and listen to is my own.

I wish everyone in the world could have a friend like her. Steadfast. Patient and true...an example of kindness and compassion.

Saying thank you is simple...but just didn't seem like enough. She deserved a blog just for her. So here it is.

תודה! שלום.

Perfectly Me

Seems that lately I've been taking chances, dipping my toes in the great big ocean of life...shocking really if you knew me well enough. I see myself as a "sidelines" sort of person, someone who likes to observe from the shadows, help with the sets of the big production but would NEVER think of taking a part in the play. I'm just one of those people who prefers to remain incognito. I feel safer that way, I don't feel threatened, stressed or pushed in any way when I am in that place. I can create and feel alright about it.

But, lately I've been diving in...risking safety...listening to myself and putting myself out there. Again...quite shocking. I don't know why. I'm not sure what's changed. Maybe nothing has changed at all. Maybe I just woke up one day and decided my voice was as important as the other ones that have been driving me my whole life. You know those voices, the ones that tell you that you aren't good enough, or smart enough, and that your art is horrid or your writing is mediocre. Those damn voices that get in and you can't pry out, even with a crowbar! I hate those voices and I've given them far enough time to do their damage. Their time is up. Their voices are now being drowned out by the song of my chanting positive mantras...I am ok, my art isn't worthless, my writing isn't a waste of time.

I am not perfect, but I am perfectly me.

In this life, that's all there is.

Perfectly me.

What you find......

What you find in this world is a reflection of yourself. Isn't that the truth? It seems rather a variation on "You reap what you sow."

I would like to say I made it up completely, but I didn't. I read something along these lines in a book recently, and it stuck with me. It's a great thought, slightly re-written by yours truly, and so here it is, deemed blog worthy.

When you try to see the positive, and give off positive vibes, positive things will come back to you. When you wallow in self pity, nothing good can come of that, and you will see the results of that in your life as well. When you expect the worst to happen, or the worst in people, you will always find the worst there is. True, bad things happen to everyone, but a positive outlook can dramatically change what you get back from the world. You reap what you sow.

Give your best to the world, and you will, for the most part, find the best the world has to offer. If you have always dreamed something....make it happen. Sitting around fantasizing something doesn't make it happen. Hard work makes it happen. Determination makes it happen.

Do you dream of a better world? Make one.

Do you dream of happiness for yourself? Grab it.

Do you want a happy ending for your life? Write it!

You are the captain of your ship, not a passenger...steer yourself a course and with the power of your will, carve out a better life. No one can do that except for you.

Snipet #15

As Evelyn ran through the thick woods, she felt as if her feet weren't touching the ground. Nothing, not her clothing nor her hair, the wind nor rain, encumbered her movements. Evelyn was aware of the boy following her, and she was rather pleased with herself. She wondered for a few moments what interest he could possibly have with a girl like her, with her worn cotton dress and dirty scraped knees. She thought of herself in those simplistic terms sometimes, yet really, she felt somehow that there was more to her than her outer shell. She could not be defined by any one thing, least of all her long, bony legs and clothing. What could make him brave the elements to pursue her this way, she couldn't imagine. She had no knowledge of her own power, she just knew she was different. She was ultimately oblivious to the fact that she was a burst of wind and an ache in the belly of everyone around her because she was honesty, and a ethereal, fearless creature. It was this lack of complete awareness, her innocence and the very contradiction of her being that drove Percy on.

Percy kept pace with Evelyn, staying just far enough back to give the illusion that she couldn't see him there. It made him feel better to think that she didn't know he was there because he truthfully didn't know what to do if he caught up to her. He was moving forward, yet didn't really have a plan. He just knew he couldn't stop. If he thought too much about this, he would have froze in place and not taken another step. He would have lost the light he was seeking, and to wander in darkness in the woods was not something Percy wanted to do.

Evelyn stopped abruptly on a slight incline and Percy didn't notice as he was shielding his eyes from the wind and rain with his arm and he almost careened into her back. She turned and looked at him without blinking. He found that odd, as the wind and rain were still raging and it couldn't have been easy for her to keep her eyes open and focused. Percy, she said, as if it were a statement of some important fact, and not just the name his mother gave him. He slipped as a gust of wind rose up and seemed to lift him off his feet. She reached for his arm and said, Come, and she led him off to the secret place where the light and dark come together as one.

Snipet #14

Percy made a quick decision the day he first noticed Evelyn. The storm was raging, yet she was leaving, and he wasn't about to let the moment end quite so abruptly. He wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to feel her hand in his, to disappear into the depths of her, and he couldn't do that standing rooted to the porch floor. So he followed her into the woods and his life would never be the same again.

Evelyn was moving with surety, as would a wild animal running through familiar surroundings. He noticed she had no shoes on, and he wondered how she could tolerate the feeling of the stones and tree roots beneath her feet. He had work boots on, so at least his feet were protected and he wasn't slipping around quite as much as he would have otherwise, but he still had difficulty with the rough terrain and his mind was boggled by the swiftness and ease with which she moved. She was light as air. She was the air. She was part of this place, that much was evident to him, and it made him follow her with even more intensity than before. He wanted to bask in the elements, earth, air, fire and water, and since she was of all these things, she was the prize to be won. He ran on, although blinded by the wind and rain. He began to wonder after a bit, if she was aware he was following her and that this was a game she was playing, that she was perhaps leading him somewhere.

Maybe he wasn't pursuing her. Maybe she was the one chasing him.

Snipet #13

Evelyn had not intended on leaving the house on the day of her 13th birthday, but that's just what ended up happening. She had intended on staying home, enjoying the sponge cake her mother had painstakingly made for her. While Evelyn had been cleaning her room, she pretended not to hear her mother in the kitchen, she acted as if the scent of vanilla wasn't wafting up the stairs to her bedroom. She liked to give that to her mother, the belief that she had surprised her daughter and done something unexpected, even though there was nothing more expected that could occur on her birthday. It was the same every year. This time, however, Evelyn wanted to do something different. Of course she would act surprised when she returned, because her mother was very special to her and she wanted to give her the pleasure and satisfaction of the yearly sponge cake presentation.

After finishing her chores, she snuck out the back door and ran down to the creek to pick some flowers as it was such a lovely day. She wanted to feel the earth beneath her feet, she wanted to roll in the herbs growing by the creek side. Evelyn longed to be free and there was nothing that felt more like freedom to her than the air, and earth and sky. She took deep breaths of it all, and closed her eyes as if enraptured. She felt a part of it, deeply, in her soul. The smooth, rounded stones in the water, the new green leaves fluttering, the sound of the birds call. It was all a part of Evelyn, and she knew this, even if she knew not how that could be possible. She always had a way of sensing things, even as a very young child, and she rarely questioned that. It was just the way she was, and as she had accepted the mystery of Evelyn from a very early age, she showed a confidence beyond her years. Evelyn's demeanor had flustered more than one of her neighbors, but for the most part, that was no concern to her. She felt that she was used to their stares and the way they would tilt their heads, furrow their brows and shake their heads. She didn't believe that she needed nor desired their approval, so she found it rather comical when they showed their obvious dismay. Most of the time, however, as was a Willow Falls tradition, they kept their heads down and went about their lives, seemingly oblivious of her willful streak and her hunger for more.

As she dangled her feet in the cool creek water, she noticed the breeze begin to pick up. At first the leaves in the trees were dancing lightly, now they were beginning to be tossed around and the wind could be heard swirling and smashing it's way through the new greenery. Evelyn leaned her head back and took a deep breath. This wind smelled different, of exotic spices and burning wood and Evelyn was intrigued. She knew she should run home before it got worse. That's what any sensible person would do, however, Evelyn wasn't feeling practical on her 13th birthday. This day was special and smelled of far off places. Something was coming, she could feel it deep inside, down in the center of herself. It was an ache and a longing she had never experienced. So, when Evelyn noticed the boy on the porch of the Red Button General Store for the very first time, she wasn't surprised in the least.

He was part of what was coming.