Let me just say that being home sick SUCKS! I suppose it's nice to have a few days off from work, but really, who wouldn't rather be at work than sitting on the couch coughing up a lung? I know that I would have, but what was nice was that I got to watch a few movies that I normally wouldn't have watched in the presence of a 6 year old. Am I counting some blessings here...maybe so, but I like to try to look on the bright side.
What sucks the most is I missed my COFFEE! For some reason when I don't feel well, coffee doesn't set right with me, and I resort to herbal tea concoctions. I guess it's healthy and all, but I really missed my coffee...and my coffee companions. Life at the coffee shop has a pulse and beat all it's own, and I find it soothing and I enjoy it so much. The place has a heart, and it's always a bit different, depending on the time of day and the company around you, but the place is alive, I know that, and I feel it every time I walk through the door. I find myself wanting to be there, and these past few lung wrenching days have been no different. I felt not only sick, but lost in a sense because my routine was smashed to pieces AND I missed that place that grounds me. Maybe if I try a cup of coffee at lunch today, I will instantaneously feel better and I shall be CURED! (or....maybe not....)
When I'm home sick, not only do I miss my routine, my work (GO FIGURE!) and my Cafe, but I also go through that little spurt of melancholy, depending on how sick I feel. I get nostalgic for the past. I get thinking about how it must feel for people who can't leave their house because they are bedridden, or people who are sick all the time with lingering illnesses, how sad their lives must be. I realize how life spins on a dime and things can change in a heartbeat, and that scares me. I wish that a simple cold wouldn't send me into that sort of mindset, but again, sometimes it does, and all I want at that point is to feel better, to be back to myself again because somewhere between Ahhh and Choo, I lost the me that feels comfortable in her life.
I lose Me when I'm sick and that's what SUCKS the most!
I am hoping that I find Me soon and that my lungs magically put themselves back together and my watery eyes and runny nose run along and find someone else to abuse.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Family
The question was raised today....what defines a family? Is it a mom, dad and 2.5 kids?
I believe that my having been adopted changes my view of what family is. Did I not mention this fact before? Sorry. Yes, I was adopted as an infant back in 1964. I was born in May and was delivered into the arms of my mother in October of that year. I am not sure where I was during those few months between birth and adoption, but I know that they were not pleasant months for me. How do I know this? I just do. My mother tells me when they picked me up I was very tense, only going with certain people, my little fists clenched and tight. I wouldn't drink milk or take a bottle even with juice in it. Strange behavior for a baby of 5 months, I'd say. But whatever happened during that time, no matter who I lived with, I survived and that's really what matters, I suppose.
So, back to that itchy question...what defines a family? In my opinion, family can be of our own creation. We can let in anyone we choose. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. My son was born to me during my younger years, when life was confusing and I wasn't comfortable with who I was. He grounded me, gave me purpose and defined me more easily and clearly than any other human being ever had. He loved me unconditionally, and that was what I had been yearning for my whole life. My daughter, spunky little firecracker that she is, was born to me in my 39th year of my life, which is a time when most people are thinking of shutting that sort of thing down. I said to hell with that and cranked up the furnace and started up again with no restraints. (well, plenty of fear, but no restraint) The day she was born empowered me and made me feel glorious. I realized a moment in time that many other women would never experience. I realized that I was still young inside myself, still capable and powerful. My son made me a mother, my daughter made me a goddess!
When my son was younger, we were alone for a while, our immediate family consisting of just the two of us and our six birds. It was fine by me, and I like to think that in the long run he was ok with it too, but he asked me once when he was around six years old why our family was the way it was. He had compared our family to others and found it lacking somehow and I felt bad at first and probably sounded defensive when he asked me that. It was so long ago, I don't recall my exact answer, but I know that I told him that families are what we make of them, that we can include people like our best friends who are like brothers or sisters to us. I told him that my friend Tracey was like a sister to me and that I think of her that way despite the lack of bloodline attaching us in the traditional way. She is my sister in my heart, and that's where it really matters. I think he understood that. I know I told him I was adopted and for a while he kept telling me that my mother wasn't really my mother and I had to keep telling him that there was more to being a mother than carrying a baby for 9 months in your "tummy." I have yet to explain the adoption thing to my daughter, as it hasn't come up, but I know I will and hopefully I will be able to explain it to her and make her comfortable with it. My being adopted does touch other lives, not just my own, and sometimes I forget that. Just as I don't know my birth mother, my children don't know their aunt or uncle or grandparents, but, that's just the way it is and we are fortunate to have the family that we do. My mother is a beautiful woman and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. My family IS my family, for better or worse. They took care of me when my biological family couldn't or wouldn't, and I don't consider that a small thing. I hope my children don't either.
So, what is family? Family is that safe place we go to when we are tired, when we are sick or alone. It is the people we love the most, be they blood relative or not. I have sisters, brothers, mothers and more children than anyone else I know and I believe it is because of my adoption that I am able to embrace this concept of an extended family more easily than most.
I love them all, and I hope that I am successful in making sure they all know that......everyday.
xoxoxoxo
I believe that my having been adopted changes my view of what family is. Did I not mention this fact before? Sorry. Yes, I was adopted as an infant back in 1964. I was born in May and was delivered into the arms of my mother in October of that year. I am not sure where I was during those few months between birth and adoption, but I know that they were not pleasant months for me. How do I know this? I just do. My mother tells me when they picked me up I was very tense, only going with certain people, my little fists clenched and tight. I wouldn't drink milk or take a bottle even with juice in it. Strange behavior for a baby of 5 months, I'd say. But whatever happened during that time, no matter who I lived with, I survived and that's really what matters, I suppose.
So, back to that itchy question...what defines a family? In my opinion, family can be of our own creation. We can let in anyone we choose. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. My son was born to me during my younger years, when life was confusing and I wasn't comfortable with who I was. He grounded me, gave me purpose and defined me more easily and clearly than any other human being ever had. He loved me unconditionally, and that was what I had been yearning for my whole life. My daughter, spunky little firecracker that she is, was born to me in my 39th year of my life, which is a time when most people are thinking of shutting that sort of thing down. I said to hell with that and cranked up the furnace and started up again with no restraints. (well, plenty of fear, but no restraint) The day she was born empowered me and made me feel glorious. I realized a moment in time that many other women would never experience. I realized that I was still young inside myself, still capable and powerful. My son made me a mother, my daughter made me a goddess!
When my son was younger, we were alone for a while, our immediate family consisting of just the two of us and our six birds. It was fine by me, and I like to think that in the long run he was ok with it too, but he asked me once when he was around six years old why our family was the way it was. He had compared our family to others and found it lacking somehow and I felt bad at first and probably sounded defensive when he asked me that. It was so long ago, I don't recall my exact answer, but I know that I told him that families are what we make of them, that we can include people like our best friends who are like brothers or sisters to us. I told him that my friend Tracey was like a sister to me and that I think of her that way despite the lack of bloodline attaching us in the traditional way. She is my sister in my heart, and that's where it really matters. I think he understood that. I know I told him I was adopted and for a while he kept telling me that my mother wasn't really my mother and I had to keep telling him that there was more to being a mother than carrying a baby for 9 months in your "tummy." I have yet to explain the adoption thing to my daughter, as it hasn't come up, but I know I will and hopefully I will be able to explain it to her and make her comfortable with it. My being adopted does touch other lives, not just my own, and sometimes I forget that. Just as I don't know my birth mother, my children don't know their aunt or uncle or grandparents, but, that's just the way it is and we are fortunate to have the family that we do. My mother is a beautiful woman and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. My family IS my family, for better or worse. They took care of me when my biological family couldn't or wouldn't, and I don't consider that a small thing. I hope my children don't either.
So, what is family? Family is that safe place we go to when we are tired, when we are sick or alone. It is the people we love the most, be they blood relative or not. I have sisters, brothers, mothers and more children than anyone else I know and I believe it is because of my adoption that I am able to embrace this concept of an extended family more easily than most.
I love them all, and I hope that I am successful in making sure they all know that......everyday.
xoxoxoxo
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thoughts and Crows
I got thinking about the name of my blog, Thoughts and Crows and so on...and really, I rather like it. At the time I named it that for want of something better to call it, and it turns out that the name is appropriate and I am glad it popped into my head. Lots of things pop into my head, but that is fodder for another blog at another time!
I thought I might talk about crows in this blog, since they have been on my mind more than usual of late. I always find it amusing when people ask me why I like them so much. I mean, I don't go around asking people why they like their husbands so much, or their boots or their dress. I just assume there is something about that person or thing they like and I don't usually give it another thought. I find people don't know how to take my fascination with my corvid friends and they are bursting at the seams with questions and wonderment. Well, I just don't get it myself. I don't get their disbelief and I don't understand their fear of these beautiful birds either. I suppose we can all just agree to disagree on this one!
I am in the midst of reading a wonderful book, In the Company of Crows and Ravens. It is not only a book that gives scientific proof of their intelligence and culture, but is also respectful of those who just love these fascinating birds and speaks in everyday language to all of us who just want to learn more. It was written by a man who has done some wonderful research at the University of Washington, John Marzluff. His documentary on The Nature of Things about crow behavior was fascinating and if you get a chance to see it, you must indulge! It's highly informative and will help you understand the intelligence these birds demonstrate. I used to think the birds followed me around, and truthfully, I wasn't sure if it was true until I saw his show. Then I realized they DO recognize me and they DO recognize my car. I think of them more as friends than scientific research, and what's nice about Mr. Marzluff is he seems to understand that and I think he also has a broad view of these birds that isn't restricted to his scientific study. I like that.
I sent him an e-mail yesterday about my crows and I was so thrilled when he wrote back to me. His words were brief, but he was appreciative of my e-mail and I certainly was glad to hear back from him, no matter how short his note. When he said, "good luck with your crows"...well...that was cool. They really are, in a way, mine and I am theirs. We live in this mutual consideration of each other and I enjoy our interactions very much. I hope they always follow me around, as it makes me feel like I'm not quite so alone, even when I am.
It's funny where one might find a friend. Sometimes we have to open our eyes and hearts and find friendship in the most unlikely of places.
They are mine, and I am theirs, and that's just the way I like it.
I thought I might talk about crows in this blog, since they have been on my mind more than usual of late. I always find it amusing when people ask me why I like them so much. I mean, I don't go around asking people why they like their husbands so much, or their boots or their dress. I just assume there is something about that person or thing they like and I don't usually give it another thought. I find people don't know how to take my fascination with my corvid friends and they are bursting at the seams with questions and wonderment. Well, I just don't get it myself. I don't get their disbelief and I don't understand their fear of these beautiful birds either. I suppose we can all just agree to disagree on this one!
I am in the midst of reading a wonderful book, In the Company of Crows and Ravens. It is not only a book that gives scientific proof of their intelligence and culture, but is also respectful of those who just love these fascinating birds and speaks in everyday language to all of us who just want to learn more. It was written by a man who has done some wonderful research at the University of Washington, John Marzluff. His documentary on The Nature of Things about crow behavior was fascinating and if you get a chance to see it, you must indulge! It's highly informative and will help you understand the intelligence these birds demonstrate. I used to think the birds followed me around, and truthfully, I wasn't sure if it was true until I saw his show. Then I realized they DO recognize me and they DO recognize my car. I think of them more as friends than scientific research, and what's nice about Mr. Marzluff is he seems to understand that and I think he also has a broad view of these birds that isn't restricted to his scientific study. I like that.
I sent him an e-mail yesterday about my crows and I was so thrilled when he wrote back to me. His words were brief, but he was appreciative of my e-mail and I certainly was glad to hear back from him, no matter how short his note. When he said, "good luck with your crows"...well...that was cool. They really are, in a way, mine and I am theirs. We live in this mutual consideration of each other and I enjoy our interactions very much. I hope they always follow me around, as it makes me feel like I'm not quite so alone, even when I am.
It's funny where one might find a friend. Sometimes we have to open our eyes and hearts and find friendship in the most unlikely of places.
They are mine, and I am theirs, and that's just the way I like it.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Venting vs. Complaining
Blah, blah, blah. Cough, sneeze, wheeze, sigh. Blah, blah, blah. Giggle, snicker, snort. Blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry ma'am, no, he's not here right now, may I take a message, no ma'am, I am not an asshole, yes, your appointment is at 9:30, please sir, don't use that tone with me sir, I'm just trying to help...blah, blah, blah.
That's what I hear ALL DAY. This constant murmuring, that goes on and on and on. Ahh...the joys of cubicle living. There are days I don't hear a thing...well, those days are few and far between, but there are those days. The past two days, well, the blah, blah, blah has been filling my head like fog and rendering me helpless. But, it's my life for the next few years, and that's that. Don't get me wrong, I love my cubbie...it's pleasant enough. The new building is nice, closer to home, closer to the Cafe. I'm not complaining...hmmm...or am I?
Yes, it seems I am complaining. I'm doing that very thing I always tell people not to do! Wow. Let me rationalize this....hold on a minute...I'm thinking...
I JUST NEEDED TO VENT! That's my excuse...I just needed to "vent." Venting isn't considered full blown complaining, is it? It's just the need to get it out of your system, right? Complaining is when you rag about something ALL DAY and drive other people nuts with it. It's when you call your boss and ask for an appointment to tell them your gripes. No, this isn't like that. This is VENTING. Venting is considered healthy in some cultures, I hear. I'm cleaning house, really...getting rid of unwanted thoughts by writing about them and letting them go. I'm doing something healthy for my mind and body. It's not healthy to hold on to negativity, is it? It's like working out...that's it...I'm working out!
How's that for rationalization? Not bad for an old girl like me.
That's what I hear ALL DAY. This constant murmuring, that goes on and on and on. Ahh...the joys of cubicle living. There are days I don't hear a thing...well, those days are few and far between, but there are those days. The past two days, well, the blah, blah, blah has been filling my head like fog and rendering me helpless. But, it's my life for the next few years, and that's that. Don't get me wrong, I love my cubbie...it's pleasant enough. The new building is nice, closer to home, closer to the Cafe. I'm not complaining...hmmm...or am I?
Yes, it seems I am complaining. I'm doing that very thing I always tell people not to do! Wow. Let me rationalize this....hold on a minute...I'm thinking...
I JUST NEEDED TO VENT! That's my excuse...I just needed to "vent." Venting isn't considered full blown complaining, is it? It's just the need to get it out of your system, right? Complaining is when you rag about something ALL DAY and drive other people nuts with it. It's when you call your boss and ask for an appointment to tell them your gripes. No, this isn't like that. This is VENTING. Venting is considered healthy in some cultures, I hear. I'm cleaning house, really...getting rid of unwanted thoughts by writing about them and letting them go. I'm doing something healthy for my mind and body. It's not healthy to hold on to negativity, is it? It's like working out...that's it...I'm working out!
How's that for rationalization? Not bad for an old girl like me.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Too Many Fools
Ok, I'm angry today...
How is it possible that one person, an inconsequential parish minister (a ridiculous FOOL!)from some church in Florida with 30 parishioners, can cause such an international uproar?
How could this man possibly believe that burning the Muslim holy book is a good idea? He says "GOD TOLD HIM TO DO IT"...well, I doubt God would want him to do something that could have potentially dangerous repercussions for innocent Americans at home and abroad. What a selfish man! It makes me so angry, but there certainly isn't a thing I can do about it.
Book burnings in themselves are a very bad thing, no matter what, in my opinion. They seem the actions of desperate men seeking attention. This little man obviously figured out a way to get his little parish from Pohdunk on the international map. I think he should be put in jail, despite the fact that what he's doing isn't illegal. It should be done to protect innocent people from being harmed because of his careless actions. Our government sticks their noses in everything else, why not this?
Stop this madman from causing pain to countless people! Do something! The man obviously isn't well. I would think a true religious man or woman would only want to do that which would improve the world, make it a better place. How can this action make the world a better place? Can he really believe that his actions are justified?
Does he really think he's hearing God's voice? I think he's hearing is own little voice in his head...one among many, I'm sure...and he should be stopped.
I'm surprised this world hasn't imploded with our stupidity by now.
How is it possible that one person, an inconsequential parish minister (a ridiculous FOOL!)from some church in Florida with 30 parishioners, can cause such an international uproar?
How could this man possibly believe that burning the Muslim holy book is a good idea? He says "GOD TOLD HIM TO DO IT"...well, I doubt God would want him to do something that could have potentially dangerous repercussions for innocent Americans at home and abroad. What a selfish man! It makes me so angry, but there certainly isn't a thing I can do about it.
Book burnings in themselves are a very bad thing, no matter what, in my opinion. They seem the actions of desperate men seeking attention. This little man obviously figured out a way to get his little parish from Pohdunk on the international map. I think he should be put in jail, despite the fact that what he's doing isn't illegal. It should be done to protect innocent people from being harmed because of his careless actions. Our government sticks their noses in everything else, why not this?
Stop this madman from causing pain to countless people! Do something! The man obviously isn't well. I would think a true religious man or woman would only want to do that which would improve the world, make it a better place. How can this action make the world a better place? Can he really believe that his actions are justified?
Does he really think he's hearing God's voice? I think he's hearing is own little voice in his head...one among many, I'm sure...and he should be stopped.
I'm surprised this world hasn't imploded with our stupidity by now.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Could We/Should We...AGAIN?
What we can do and what we should do....almost always two different things!
The whole mosque thing...well, that remains to be seen what will happen there. Apparently they plan on building despite the public outcry....and hey, that's fine. Maybe in the end, it will turn out alright no matter where they build. Maybe it will spur fanatics on both sides and will make matters worse. We can't know that right now.
On the news this morning, I hear this crazy pastor in Florida wants to BURN the Muslim holy book this weekend in a protest of 9/11. In my opinion it's a dangerous, ridiculous thing to do. We should not be protesting Muslims nor their religious beliefs, but the acts of terrorism perpetrated by terrorists. This man will do nothing but add fuel to the fire that is already burning out of control. I am hoping that the government can stop him, force him not to do this, as it can only end badly. Burning their holy book won't change anything. It will hurt those Muslims who live here, who live honestly and worship the way they choose in a country that is supposed to protect that right.
The whole mosque thing...well, that remains to be seen what will happen there. Apparently they plan on building despite the public outcry....and hey, that's fine. Maybe in the end, it will turn out alright no matter where they build. Maybe it will spur fanatics on both sides and will make matters worse. We can't know that right now.
On the news this morning, I hear this crazy pastor in Florida wants to BURN the Muslim holy book this weekend in a protest of 9/11. In my opinion it's a dangerous, ridiculous thing to do. We should not be protesting Muslims nor their religious beliefs, but the acts of terrorism perpetrated by terrorists. This man will do nothing but add fuel to the fire that is already burning out of control. I am hoping that the government can stop him, force him not to do this, as it can only end badly. Burning their holy book won't change anything. It will hurt those Muslims who live here, who live honestly and worship the way they choose in a country that is supposed to protect that right.
Could he burn the books? Yes. Should he? NO.
The world seems to have gone mad.
Or maybe, it always was.
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