Change

Change. Most people shun it, avoid it, ignore it, pretend it isn't staring them in the face. Yet, there it is again, rearing it's ugly head. Personally, I HATE change. It's not something I do well with. Just ask my husband.

It doesn't seem to matter what sort of change it is. It could be something as simple as a neighbor cutting a tree down in their yard, or a temporary change like a vacation. Vacations are supposed to be fun, right? It involves change in my everyday routine, so it's nothing short of a conspiracy against the government! Ok, so it's not quite that bad, but as I said, I don't do well with change and a very significant change is coming up for me and I'm starting to feel the stress.

Twenty-five years ago I was dragged to a job interview by my mother. I was SO angry with her for forcing me to go, but, thankfully she was stronger than I was that day. That interview changed my life. I think I knew it that morning, I felt the winds blowing and I was resisting every step of the way. I met one of my dearest friends that day, the Director of my department, Neal. He was the person who interviewed me, and in his frankness (which endeared me to him) he told me I wasn't the most qualified person for the job, but that he thought I had great potential and spunk. God bless him for seeing me clearly, more clearly I might add, than I did myself.

I told myself when I accepted the position that I wouldn't stay longer than a year or two, and then I'd move on the greener pastures, but I never did find that fantasy farm with the emerald green grass. I'm still there, and at 46 years old I see that it has been a blessing. My son was born 3 years after I began working this job, and if it weren't for this job, I'm not sure how I would have supported him in the way that I was able. I have always complained about the job, how it doesn't meet many of the needs I have as an individual, how it stifles me, how it lacks the opportunities for creativity that I so desperately need, but really, if it weren't for this job I'm not sure where I'd be right now.

I have met some of the most wonderful (and dreadful!) people here that I have ever met. Each has left me with something, and has helped me to grow. I've walked up and down these hallways countless times, seen Directors come and go, and now it's all going to change again. Ok, I've had a good run. Many people never have the experience of working in one place for so long, and I should consider myself lucky, right? Well, I do, but this change is a big one, and I'm honestly scared. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be level headed and trying desperately not to think sentimentally about it either. So I grew up here...what does that mean? It's just a building...mortar, brick and wood. Is it more than that? Only if I make it so.

Our entire building is moving to a much smaller location. Yes, it's closer to my house. (Gas savings!) Yes, it's closer to my FAVORITE coffee shop. (Gas money going for MORE coffee!) Those are two of the reasons I was enthusiastic about the move in the first place. But I made the fatal mistake of going to see the building yesterday and now it's more real to me than it was before and I'm starting to get that sinking feeling that I'm leaving an old friend behind. Is this building my friend? Not really. But there are so many memories wrapped around this damp, drafty old building that is hard to just let go.

Should I just turn around and walk away or will I be looking back with regret, and be turned into a pillar of salt?

Truthfully, I don't know what I'm so intimidated by. Change is inevitable, and it's not like I'm going off on my own to start a new job with no friendly faces to cheer me. I'm moving with all of my dearest friends and we are really embarking on a new adventure in our lives. Why can't I see it that way? Fear. Fear always clouds our vision because in fear we bow our heads and tremble and we see nothing but our feet! Will I allow my fear to take over and block me from experiencing this new chapter with joy and excitement? I certainly hope not.

I am always preaching about keeping a positive attitude. I guess it's time for the preacher to start applying her sermons to her own life. I hope with my friends help, I am able to embrace this new day with a smile and a positive outlook. There really doesn't seem to be much reason to allow fear to ruin that for me. This can either be a good thing or a bad thing and I think it depends more on my outlook than anything else. This can be seen as an ending or a beginning. It's all up to me.