Family

The question was raised today....what defines a family? Is it a mom, dad and 2.5 kids?

I believe that my having been adopted changes my view of what family is. Did I not mention this fact before? Sorry. Yes, I was adopted as an infant back in 1964. I was born in May and was delivered into the arms of my mother in October of that year. I am not sure where I was during those few months between birth and adoption, but I know that they were not pleasant months for me. How do I know this? I just do. My mother tells me when they picked me up I was very tense, only going with certain people, my little fists clenched and tight. I wouldn't drink milk or take a bottle even with juice in it. Strange behavior for a baby of 5 months, I'd say. But whatever happened during that time, no matter who I lived with, I survived and that's really what matters, I suppose.

So, back to that itchy question...what defines a family? In my opinion, family can be of our own creation. We can let in anyone we choose. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. My son was born to me during my younger years, when life was confusing and I wasn't comfortable with who I was. He grounded me, gave me purpose and defined me more easily and clearly than any other human being ever had. He loved me unconditionally, and that was what I had been yearning for my whole life. My daughter, spunky little firecracker that she is, was born to me in my 39th year of my life, which is a time when most people are thinking of shutting that sort of thing down. I said to hell with that and cranked up the furnace and started up again with no restraints. (well, plenty of fear, but no restraint) The day she was born empowered me and made me feel glorious. I realized a moment in time that many other women would never experience. I realized that I was still young inside myself, still capable and powerful. My son made me a mother, my daughter made me a goddess!

When my son was younger, we were alone for a while, our immediate family consisting of just the two of us and our six birds. It was fine by me, and I like to think that in the long run he was ok with it too, but he asked me once when he was around six years old why our family was the way it was. He had compared our family to others and found it lacking somehow and I felt bad at first and probably sounded defensive when he asked me that. It was so long ago, I don't recall my exact answer, but I know that I told him that families are what we make of them, that we can include people like our best friends who are like brothers or sisters to us. I told him that my friend Tracey was like a sister to me and that I think of her that way despite the lack of bloodline attaching us in the traditional way. She is my sister in my heart, and that's where it really matters. I think he understood that. I know I told him I was adopted and for a while he kept telling me that my mother wasn't really my mother and I had to keep telling him that there was more to being a mother than carrying a baby for 9 months in your "tummy." I have yet to explain the adoption thing to my daughter, as it hasn't come up, but I know I will and hopefully I will be able to explain it to her and make her comfortable with it. My being adopted does touch other lives, not just my own, and sometimes I forget that. Just as I don't know my birth mother, my children don't know their aunt or uncle or grandparents, but, that's just the way it is and we are fortunate to have the family that we do. My mother is a beautiful woman and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. My family IS my family, for better or worse. They took care of me when my biological family couldn't or wouldn't, and I don't consider that a small thing. I hope my children don't either.

So, what is family? Family is that safe place we go to when we are tired, when we are sick or alone. It is the people we love the most, be they blood relative or not. I have sisters, brothers, mothers and more children than anyone else I know and I believe it is because of my adoption that I am able to embrace this concept of an extended family more easily than most.

I love them all, and I hope that I am successful in making sure they all know that......everyday.

xoxoxoxo